Week 22

Isn't it funny how our minds work? Mine for example seems to never be satisfied. My mind is constantly craving more and no matter how hard I work I tell myself I should have worked harder. Let me explain...

Over the past 2 weeks I have lost 6.6 pounds a.k.a. over 3 pounds per week. HOWEVER when I saw the number on my Dr's scale this morning I was disappointed. Why you ask? Because I was hoping to have lost 60 pounds and I have only (insert: groan) lost 59 pounds. What is wrong with me? What is wrong with my brain? Don't get me wrong having lost almost 7 pounds in the past two weeks is an amazing accomplishment and since I seem to have small weeks and big weeks this was DEFINITELY a big week. But now my progress as of today is "I've lost 59 pounds", when it seems like saying "I've lost 60 pounds" would be so much more satisfying. I expressed this thought to my doctor and she pointed out the fact that at least I'm pushing myself and making my own mini goals that I am working toward. So after my next visit I will definitely have lost over 60 pounds and I just have to start looking towards the next goal of reaching -70 pounds. WOW, that sounds weird to say... 70 pounds!

In other news, my family and I leave tomorrow for a 12 day vacation to Missouri and I am terrified. I have been working out in the gym 5 - 6 days a week for 5 months now. I have never missed more than 3 days in a row at the gym even when we went to Lake Tahoe for our anniversary (if you remember I tracked down a Curves and I used the gym in the hotel). My plan of action is to walk/run every single day and I'm talking like 2 - 4 miles daily. I also will be bringing protein bars and protein water packets. You may or may not have ever been to Missouri or met my family but I can tell you this now... people in the mid-west EAT. Biscuits and gravy for breakfast, burgers for lunch, steaks, green beans and new potatoes, and fried green tomatoes for dinner. I WILL NOT BE EATING THIS STUFF... but you know what? If I do I will watch what I eat the rest of the day and track my calories to stay between 1,000 - 1,200 a day.

I think that is part of the reason I've been so successful; I don't deprive myself and I always hold myself accountable. My husbands family all went to Black Angus this past weekend to celebrate his parents 38th anniversary. I had a water to drink, a small dinner salad with the dressing on the side, steamed broccoli and a small cut of filet mignon, I even had 1 bite of whatever chocolatey deliciousness was being passed around for dessert. However, I had been planning all day to go to dinner so I watched what I ate the rest of the day AND I went for a 3 mile walk with my husband and mother-in-law that morning. It's all about making sacrifices at times and letting yourself indulge (in moderation) at others.

So, I will do my absolute best to stay on track during this vacation and "JUST SAY NO!" will become my motto.

Now, for one of my most exciting updates yet... I ran 1 mile on Tuesday! I had been building myself up over the last few months. I started out using C25K a while back and ending up not getting very far in the program and starting my own program. A little less regimented but I got to where I could barely run 1 lap, to running 1 lap with no problem, to running a lap then walking a lap then running a lap, to running 2 laps, etc. On Tuesday I decided to run 1 lap but when the lap was finished I still felt amazing so I decided to try for 2 laps. At the end of 2 laps I still felt good and told myself "now I'm over halfway there if I run a mile!" So I tried for 3 laps and at that point I was so close to the end that I couldn't help but finish my last lap. I ran a 15 minute mile which equals running 4 mph which is much slower than I usually run (usually run about 6 mph) BUT I don't think I could have ran a mile running at that fast pace. So I guess slowing down gave me the stamina I needed to finish the mile! Now I just have to decide if I should start trying to run 2 miles at 4mph or try running 1 mile faster than 4 mph. Decisions, decisions.

KUDOS reminder

Hey everyone! Just a reminder to send me your weight loss/shapeup stats if you haven't already. I will be posting a blog about it soon and want to make sure that I give lots of Kudos to all my friends that are on their personal ShapeUp Journies!

Click HERE to refresh your memory.

Here's what I need from you:

1) Leave me a comment with your name and how much weight you've lost or how you've gotten in better shape recently, or in the past even! Please be sure to include how you've gotten to where you are now and what all you think has worked for you.

2) If you'd rather not leave a comment in a public forum, feel free to email me at shapeupjourney@gmail.com. Tell me the same thing, how much weight you've lost or any new muscles you have recently acquired. Also how have you gotten there so far. Feel free to include before and current pictures if you like!

Me and MY shadow....

Me and MY shadow....

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Inspired this morning by this blog post:

"I was walking the other day and looked down at the sidewalk and saw this stranger walking with me. I stared at the image and for a brief moment I asked "who to heck is that?" " This person doesn't have all those lumps and bumps of ugly fat on her that I do"... A brief moment, then tears came to my eye's as it hit me. This was ME.

I weighed myself yesterday. The scales said 141.6...I realized that I had now lost 70 pounds! I then put on my gift to myself a pair of size 8 Kymaro jeans I was saving for this moment. Never in my life have I wore a size 8. They look good, yes, I can honestly tell you that. These jeans are designed to hold in all that loose skin a person of my age gets after losing that 70 pounds, and they do just that. Oh, the journey is not over, far from it with still another six pounds to go in order to reach my spark goal and then toning up my body, all in good time ..but for now I reflect on some of the things I have learned on this my journey of a million steps.

I have learned that the prison of shame and guilt that I had built was my own creation and that I had the power to tear it down, or to build it up. It is all up to ME

I had to learn to take personal responsibility for every bite of food that I put into my mouth, and that I had to eat healthy to BE healthy.

I had to learn that you either do IT (diet/exercise), or you don't -- there's no middle ground and that life is full of choices and I choose to be happier and healthier with mine.

I learned that I could acknowledge myself in ways other than eating. That I no longer have to be an "emotional eater" to do that.

I have learned that it was ok to say "I gotta take care of me first...."

I learned to admit to myself that I was fat and unhealthy because I chose to overeat and I chose foods that were unhealthy and fattening.

I learned that I could enjoy exercising -- and actually look forward to walking and exercising every day -- I also learned that it doesn't take a lot of money to exercise, that all exercise is: Is moving our bodies to bring up our heart rates. That means I could dance like no one was watching, and still call it exercise.

I learned I just needed to find a diet plan that worked for ME. For me this is the Idiot proof diet plan. Eating the right combination of foods, eating small portions knowing I will eat again in two hours, and eating healthy food was and is my key to success.

I learned that I am not a failure even though I may have "failed" when I dieted in the past.

I have learned that "temptations" along my journey are merely a test to my commitment. And, if I give myself the "gift" of an occasional temptation it makes the journey go much better.

I have learned that wherever we are on our path, it is **exactly** where we need to be at this point on our journey! I have learned that God puts us just where he wants us to be, and I praise HIM for His help on this journey.

I have learned that losing weight is not the end result but the beginning of a new chapter -- complete with new challenges, commitments and dreams!

I have learned that the journey will NEVER be over for me, that this is just the beginning of another journey to a happier and healthier life full of mountains and valleys, but with the help of all my Spark friends I will accept the hills and valleys and travel with them...with the knowledge that I CAN continue, and I CAN do this, with my determination and their help and support.

****one last lesson****

Now it is time again for me and my shadow to go on another walk...when I look down I promise to no longer think I am walking with a stranger...

I have learned that the stranger I walk with... is ME."

Week 20

Well folks as of 07/09 I lost 52.4 pounds but unofficially I've lost 57. The problem I find is that I weigh with 3 different scales. My Dr's scale and the Wii Fit are very close, and the bathroom scale tends to be 1 - 2 pounds heavier. The numbers on my side bar are strictly bi-weekly update numbers from my doctor but weighing on the Wii Fit certainly keeps me in check in between visits.

1) Dr's scale (every 2 weeks)
2) Wii Fit Body Test (almost every day)
3) Bathroom Scale (whenever I feel like being disappointed)

I used to be very strict with when I weighed myself, I would practice absolute self control and only weigh once a week, right after I woke up, right after I went to the bathroom, and wearing no clothes. I've always read that you shouldn't weigh more than once a week anyway because your weight can fluctuate so much in a single day. However, since I'm working out every. single. day. and watching what I eat, if I gained a pound then I need to compensate the next day or ASAP.

Should I weigh every day? I don't know, but it works for me now. I also plan on weighing multiple times a week after I reach my goal and go into maintenance mode. I need to hold myself accountable for every pound and if I notice the scale going up again then I need to get myself in check. Not that I'm going to gain all my weight back in a week but I need to keep myself accountable.

In other news, I lost fat and gained muscle again. Of the 2.7 pounds I lost in the past 2 weeks, almost 2 whole pounds of it was pure fat. I'm still hovering around -9 BMI points but I know for CERTAIN that at my next appointment I will be down another point. My blood pressure seems to have stabilized at 100/60 where it's been for the past 6 weeks. I'm still down 4 pant sizes but I can tell I'm getting close to 5. Will definitely be in the next month.