Decide. Commit. Succeed.

I decided to run in my first half marathon.

I commited by paying my entrance fee and starting my training schedule.

Up until today I did not know if I would succeed.

I will.

I jumped over some sort of mental hurdle today during my run. Again (much like last week) I was dreading my long Sunday run and doubting myself before I even laced up my shoes.

On the agenda: 3.5 miles

For the record, 3.5 miles is the furthest distance I've ever ran in my life. 30 and 1/2 years on the earth and I've never ran that far at one time. I played basketball, and softball, and tennis in HS. I've had a gym membership since I was 15. I've worked out off and on for over half of my life but my furthest run to date was 3.1 miles.

Any run from here on out will be "my furthest run yet". I promise, I'll try to not post a blog about it every week but it will be hard not to. :)

Succeed. I ran 3.5 miles today and I felt great. I felt like I could keep running. I all-out sprinted the last 1/4 mile. I realized today that I can and will run 13.1 miles at my half marathon in December. I'm pretty confident about it too, and dare I say... excited?

-100 pounds GONE

I'm officially back in the saddle. For the 2nd week in a row I've lost weight so whatever mental hurdle was holding me back, I have finally jumped over it.

I'm down exactly 2 pounds this week which is right on target with my expectations so I'm pleased. I'm definitely feeling good in my own skin again and for the first time in a really long time I think I am looking forward to summer.

I don't know if I mentioned it but I actually bought a pair of shorts (gasp!) and I actually wore them out in public (double gasp!) In case you didn't know I haven't wore shorts out of the house since jr. high school, so it was pretty much a big deal.

ALSO like the title implies I've officially lost 100 pounds since Feb 2009. Feels amazing. I cried when I saw the number on the scale. I've come a long way and mostly I'm in shock.

I know you are all hanging on the edge of your seat but I did say I would post my actual numbers when I get to my 1st goal weight, which is in 6 more pounds. Stay tuned!

-posted from my phone, please excuse typos!

5K - Part I

I have officially completed my first 5K, and while I may not be one of the few to run one or anything like that, not everyone can say they've ran in one. Also, coming from a non-runner such at myself this is a monumental event. I still can't say I enjoy running but I do enjoy the fact that I ran in a 5K, does that make sense?


So, on with the show. I ran my 5K. Although I felt better and ran faster on my training run the weekend before I finished it, and I even survived it. I had a very condensed training program where I double up on training days and barely squeezed 12 weeks into 9 weeks. I was getting a little concerned that while I may be able to run for 30 minutes without stopping but could I run 3.1 miles without stopping? The C25K program stupidly surprisingly figures that if you can run for 30 minutes without stopping then you will cover 3.1 miles. Not true my friends. Not true.


So, I mapped out 3.1 miles, I plugged in my iPod since I'd been using my phone with the C25K app on it, laced up my running shoes, and took off. My goal was to finish my training run in under 45 minutes and to not walk AT ALL. My husband a seasoned runner gave me the advice of "if you feel tired and like you need to walk, you can always just slow down". 


I was almost to the halfway point before I officially slowed down. I still felt pretty good the whole way really. The sun was shining, the weather was ideal. I had no side cramps and my knees weren't hurting. Over the course of 3 months I found that I had a pretty even mix of physical and mental barriers to push through during my runs but on this day I felt awesome. 


As I rounded the corner to my final stretch of pavement I really turned on the gas and powered through to the end. I got to the end, looked at my time and saw I finished in 41 minutes! Mostly though I didn't walk one single time. As I walked towards my house on my cool down, you probably could have seen my smile from space. I was ecstatic and very proud of myself. I *may* have teared up a bit thinking about how far I'd come. I got home and hurriedly shared the news of my run with my husband and he gave me a huge hug and told me how proud of me he was and I started really crying then. Happy tears, but tears.


I had done it. I had ran 3.1 miles and without stopping once to boot. I was certainly ready to run my real 5K the following Saturday. Or was I?

5K

This time last year I was very pregnant and very jealous of my sister and husband. You see, we all made a commitment to get healthy in the beginning of 2009 and we all 3 started exercising like maniacs a lot. I was just starting to get into a running groove when I found out I was pregnant in late 2009. I ran some here and there after I got pregnant but I mostly stuck with my prenatal aerobics classes. Something never quite felt right about jiggling the baby around in there. Even though I know for a fact a lot of women run while pregnant (heck I know someone who ran a 5K when she was 4.5 months pregnant) since I was a very novice runner it just wasn't something I was comfortable with.


Fast forward to March 2010 and I accompanied my sister and husband to their 5K; I was 7 months pregnant, carrying my folding chair over my shoulder along with camera's, waters, running clothes, etc. Helping them pin on their numbers and promising to be the loudest spectator at the finish line cheering them on. 


I was supposed to be running with them, but of course I was also carrying the little miracle that we'd been praying for. So it was then and there, as I bawled my eyes out with pride watching my husband barrel down the shoot for the the finish and my sister smile and run by me to finish her first ever 5K, that I decided that I would run in the race in 2011.


So, I've paid my way, signed the electronic waiver, and committed to run in my very first 5K. Of course, I've had some bumps along the road that I am trying to overcome (I had an accident that is requiring physical therapy but I am getting better), but I fully intend to stick it out and run this race with a bang. 


My first day of training started out with me being over confident that I could run 3.1 miles with no problem. I was convinced that since I had been running 3 miles before I got pregnant that I could just pick up where I left off. Completely forgetting the fact that had been a year and a half earlier. I ended up running out of steam and narrowly missing an asthma attack just short of 1 mile. On to Plan B. 


I jumped on the C25K bandwagon and so far so good. I had to cut some training days out to ensure I was running the full program before Race Day, but I haven't missed a training run yet. I am using an application on my phone that allows me to listen to my own music while a guy's voice cuts in to say "RUN!" "Now, walk." "You're halfway done, turn around" "Approaching your final run". I'm really enjoying the application and I have no doubts that I will be ready in time for the race in March.


Stay tuned! 

Jeans

Back in November I noticed my size 14 jeans were getting a little loose. I decided that since I was in the process of losing weight that I didn't want to run out and buy a few smaller sizes only for those to be too big soon, then go buy more smaller sizes, etc. So, I came up with the solution to buy a few pairs of jeans from a local thrift store called "Savers". I walked away with 3 pair of size 12 jeans: Levi, Guess, and Lucky... all 3 pairs were 4.99 a piece. Sweet deals. Sweet jeans.


Flash forward to when I got home... and I couldn't quite squeeze into them. I figured no big deal because I would get in to the eventually. 


Flash forward to December... I still couldn't wear them and that was a hard pill to swallow. I told myself I was not going to try and put them on again until I was SURE they would fit.


Flash forward to today... my old jeans were feeling especially baggy. I've been on a high all week weight loss wise so I figured if they still didn't fit then my self esteem wouldn't take too hard of a blow.

Behold... me in my size 12's (it's been a long time since I've seen this size)

Does the number really matter?

The other day I announced to my husband that when I finally reach my goal weight I am going to post real. live. numbers. As in my actual starting weight and my actual ending weight. Do any of my readers really care about the exact numbers? Probably not. But it will be a huge monumental step for me to do so. 


You see, since starting this blog, almost 2 years ago, I've never been specific with my actual weight. By checking out my pics to the side, it's easy to see that the actual number is not pretty. I've skirted around and hinted and even posted a jean size here and there and if you really really wanted to dig around in the archives you could probably get a general idea. But since nobody probably cares I can't see that happening. :)


Posting my actual numbers will be solely for me. You're never suppose to ask a woman her age or weight. It's a deeply guarded secret. Up until a year and a half ago my own husband never even knew my weight. THAT was hard, telling him, but on the other hand it held me accountable and actually saying it out-loud was a huge wake up call. Now, having lost over 70 pounds there are few people that know where I started and the number is tossed around all the time. It's getting easier and easier to say out-loud as I get closer to my goal.


So, I have about 30 more pounds to go before I reach my ultimate goal weight. If you're still around then, I promise, I will post my starting weight and ending weight. I need however many months it's going to take me to build up the courage to do so though. And I needed to post this blog today so I can put it out there to the blogoverse. No turning back now.

KUDOS reminder

Hey everyone! Just a reminder to send me your weight loss/shapeup stats if you haven't already. I will be posting a blog about it soon and want to make sure that I give lots of Kudos to all my friends that are on their personal ShapeUp Journies!

Click HERE to refresh your memory.

Here's what I need from you:

1) Leave me a comment with your name and how much weight you've lost or how you've gotten in better shape recently, or in the past even! Please be sure to include how you've gotten to where you are now and what all you think has worked for you.

2) If you'd rather not leave a comment in a public forum, feel free to email me at shapeupjourney@gmail.com. Tell me the same thing, how much weight you've lost or any new muscles you have recently acquired. Also how have you gotten there so far. Feel free to include before and current pictures if you like!

Me and MY shadow....

Me and MY shadow....

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Inspired this morning by this blog post:

"I was walking the other day and looked down at the sidewalk and saw this stranger walking with me. I stared at the image and for a brief moment I asked "who to heck is that?" " This person doesn't have all those lumps and bumps of ugly fat on her that I do"... A brief moment, then tears came to my eye's as it hit me. This was ME.

I weighed myself yesterday. The scales said 141.6...I realized that I had now lost 70 pounds! I then put on my gift to myself a pair of size 8 Kymaro jeans I was saving for this moment. Never in my life have I wore a size 8. They look good, yes, I can honestly tell you that. These jeans are designed to hold in all that loose skin a person of my age gets after losing that 70 pounds, and they do just that. Oh, the journey is not over, far from it with still another six pounds to go in order to reach my spark goal and then toning up my body, all in good time ..but for now I reflect on some of the things I have learned on this my journey of a million steps.

I have learned that the prison of shame and guilt that I had built was my own creation and that I had the power to tear it down, or to build it up. It is all up to ME

I had to learn to take personal responsibility for every bite of food that I put into my mouth, and that I had to eat healthy to BE healthy.

I had to learn that you either do IT (diet/exercise), or you don't -- there's no middle ground and that life is full of choices and I choose to be happier and healthier with mine.

I learned that I could acknowledge myself in ways other than eating. That I no longer have to be an "emotional eater" to do that.

I have learned that it was ok to say "I gotta take care of me first...."

I learned to admit to myself that I was fat and unhealthy because I chose to overeat and I chose foods that were unhealthy and fattening.

I learned that I could enjoy exercising -- and actually look forward to walking and exercising every day -- I also learned that it doesn't take a lot of money to exercise, that all exercise is: Is moving our bodies to bring up our heart rates. That means I could dance like no one was watching, and still call it exercise.

I learned I just needed to find a diet plan that worked for ME. For me this is the Idiot proof diet plan. Eating the right combination of foods, eating small portions knowing I will eat again in two hours, and eating healthy food was and is my key to success.

I learned that I am not a failure even though I may have "failed" when I dieted in the past.

I have learned that "temptations" along my journey are merely a test to my commitment. And, if I give myself the "gift" of an occasional temptation it makes the journey go much better.

I have learned that wherever we are on our path, it is **exactly** where we need to be at this point on our journey! I have learned that God puts us just where he wants us to be, and I praise HIM for His help on this journey.

I have learned that losing weight is not the end result but the beginning of a new chapter -- complete with new challenges, commitments and dreams!

I have learned that the journey will NEVER be over for me, that this is just the beginning of another journey to a happier and healthier life full of mountains and valleys, but with the help of all my Spark friends I will accept the hills and valleys and travel with them...with the knowledge that I CAN continue, and I CAN do this, with my determination and their help and support.

****one last lesson****

Now it is time again for me and my shadow to go on another walk...when I look down I promise to no longer think I am walking with a stranger...

I have learned that the stranger I walk with... is ME."